Facebook and the Male Gaze ©

When you’re used to existing under the gaze of an adoring male the absence of his eyes following you around the room can be the most painful part of a break up.

The ego takes a big hit.

If he’s not there to see me, who am I getting dressed up for? What's the point of getting my hair done ? Why am I not eating carbs?

And if you have a day when you feel really good about yourself somewhere in the back of your mind you’re wishing he could see you.

Enter Facebook. No one can ignore a shiny new photo album with detailed snaps of what you did last weekend. You can still have the feeling you’re being watched even if you can’t really confirm it.

So post brake up what else can an internet savvy girl do but put on her sexiest (yet demure and lady like) body con pink dress and get photographed, paparazzi style, all over London by a wonderful, compassionate friend who has come to the city for the weekend to provide much needed support.

Up the pictures went and they did not need photo shop, which surprised me to be honest.
I had dyed my hair blond, I hadn’t eaten in weeks and I was wearing pink.
I felt like death but I looked fabulous.

My kind-hearted friends quickly obliged with comments like:
“Oh my God, London suits you Girl!!!” or “You look like you’re having the time of your life” or “Wow!!!.... look at you all SEXY” or “Who is that Hot Mama?” Blah, blah, blah. All designed to capture his gaze.

He didn’t post a comment but he called to say it looked like I was having fun and ask how I was doing.
I cried the whole night after that call but no one was there to take a picture or post a comment, so technically it hadn’t happened.

And then my 30th birthday came. Something inside me snapped and made my Virtual self in the pink dress a distant memory. I enjoyed endless bars of Lindt chocolate, toast with lashings of butter and had cheese with my wine instead of olives.
For a while my body didn’t react and then suddenly it was as if I’d exploded.

I had found a way for both my ego and my need to fill the man shaped void to be satisfied.


Here it is in three easy steps:

1.Be strategic about when you take your pictures.
(First come the pictures then the cheese platter)
2.Make sure a really good friend is the photographer because sometimes the perfect picture takes an age to manifest.
3.If all else fails use Photoshop.

I think I speak on behalf of newly single people everywhere when I say:
God Bless Facebook