POWDER ©

My favourite seat in the theatre is in the centre of the front row. That way I feel I’m touching the world of the play and its moving sculptures.
I can look up at the actors and dream of entering their dimension through the invisible fourth wall. It’s like the fantasy of entering a painting.

On a very sunny afternoon on the 17th July at precisely 13.10, a little red flag popped up on Facebook chat.
My friend James wrote: “Fancy coming to a show tonight? I have a spare ticket.”
“Ok, what’s on?”
“James Thierree”.
“Who’s he when he’s at home?”
“He’s Charlie Chaplin’s grandson and we’ve got front row seats. » wrote one James about the other.
“Yeah but he’s not Chaplin. It’s so warm, why would we shut ourselves in a dark theatre for the evening?”
At exactly that moment Dionysus popped up on chat as well. He wrote one word: Go!
You’re the God of hackers now? I wrote back. I don’t think he found it particularly funny because he didn’t respond.

And thank God I listened!

James Thierree is a creature that gravity has decided to exempt from her pull.
For a while I couldn’t focus on the play because it felt strange. I wanted to go out and fetch the tramp costume and beg him to please put it on.
Charlie Chaplin’s movements were always full of energy. An energy that seemed to struggle against his skin to contain itself. His grandson, James Thierree, shares that quality.

What a world we saw. He turned chairs into giant walking insects, a silk sheet into a jellyfish that moved serenely as if it was at the bottom of the ocean. He weaved cotton into an elephant’s ghost and suddenly he flew across the stage and out into the audience, stopping just above me.

He touched my hair, smoothed it off my face and we looked into each other’s eyes.
The whole world stopped and the scent of powder filled the air.
I had always heard that Chaplin was quite a ladies man but I could never understand why. As Thierree hovered in the air above me and looked me in the eyes it became quite clear. This man who looks like he has been cloned from his grandfathers DNA is simply irresistible. My femininity woke up with a start from her deep slumber.

I recommended the show to countless friends and they all responded with similar enthusiasm. I got thank you texts and emails that said they’d never seen anything like it before. Some friends even admitted they cried in the theatre whilst watching him.

Why?

I thought of it for a very long while and finally it was Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of “Eat, Pray, Love” who gave me the answer when I watched a lecture she gave on You Tube.
She said: “Centuries ago in the deserts of North Africa people used to gather for moonlight dances of sacred dance and music.
They were always magnificent because the dancers were professionals. But every once in a while, very rarely, something would happen and one of the performers would actually become transcendent.
It was like time would stop, and the dancer would sort of step through some kind of portal. He wasn’t doing anything different than what he had done 1000 nights before but everything would align.
All of a sudden he would no longer appear to be merely human. He would be lit from within and lit from below and all lit up on fire with divinity.
When this happened, back then, people knew it for what it was and called it by its name: “Allah, Allah, Allah”, “God, God, God”.
When the Moors invaded Southern Spain they took this custom with them and the pronunciation changed over the centuries from Allah, Allah, Allah, to Ole, Ole, Ole which you still hear in Bullfights and Flamenco dances”.

After the show I walked into the night air feeling inspired and awake in every way. What a blessing to be able to do that for another human being.
That afternoon I was completely ignorant of his existence. I wondered how many more wonderful experiences and human beings are out there that I am completely ignoring because of the choice to be stuck in the past.

OLE to you James Thierree and may you continue waking people up everywhere you go.

The Cock and the Eagle ©

Apollo and I looked at each other through our screens.
We both had our earphones on and we were adjusting our webcams.

"It took very long for you to come to me this time", he said with a half smile.
"I was exploring some new ways of being. I want you to come to London", I answered and watched the half smile expand across his face.
"I thought you'd never ask. I’ll come and I’ll bring Dionysus".

Two days later my gorgeous cousins were in my London apartment with a million offerings from back home. Jars of honey, cheese, cured meats, lavender, chamomile, wine, dried figs and mountain tea.

“I wanted to bring Oregano but he wouldn’t let me. He said the people at customs might think it was something else. I told him I’m sure they smoke enough of that something else to know the difference”, said Dionysus.
“I pay no attention to him anymore. We’ve lived a hundred lifetimes and he’s still as petulant as he was in the first one”, said Apollo and went into the living room.
"We’re 30 you know; don’t forget that", Dionysus shouted after him.
"Yes but it’s the hundredth time you’ve been thirty, don’t you forget that old man", Apollo shouted back.
"All the more reason to enjoy it", said Dionysus, always having to have the last word.

We stayed in the kitchen and opened a bottle of wine. I was instructed to let its spirit breathe and fill the house before we poured it.
"This one is excellent. I planted the vines myself, with the help of some gorgeous boys from the nearby village", said Dionysus and punctuated the rest of the story with his wicked infectious laughter.
“Venus come in here”, called Apollo from the next room.
“Oh God, the Oracle has spoken”, said Dionysus sarcastically. “Go in, you don’t want to keep him waiting. You know how he gets”.
I went into the sitting room

" Pick two cards".
I picked two cards from the centre of the deck and handed them back to Apollo.
He looked at the cards and then into my eyes.

"Good times are coming, you picked the Cock and the Eagle".
"What does that mean?" I said taking the cards into my hands to inspect the pictures.
" If you have to ask what it means, it means it’s been too long", answered Dionysus and handed us each a glass of the red wine we had just opened.

Apollo and I looked at him, then back at each other and started to laugh.

"I assume it's a metaphor that points to abundance and I think it's reffering to the rooster", I said.
"The rooster? That is just sad. I don’t understand why you’re laughing. What has happened to the two of you in this life? You’ve become bourgeois. Let’s get you some cock for the weekend. I need to use the Internet".
"Apollo, say something to him. This is London not ancient Greece".
" I learned not to try and convince Dionysus of anything, a long time ago".
Dionysus poked his head through the sitting room door again.
"I’m booking it for all of us online. You’re going to love me for it".

The next afternoon Dionysus guided us to Sloane Square and there just above the entrance of the Royal Court Theatre in big red letters was the title of the play he was taking us to. “COCK”

"There you go. I’m breaking you in slowly. He predicts things and I make them happen", said Dionysus and winked at me.

We went to the top of the building and sat in the front row of the tiniest, most intimate amphitheatre. The play was about a gay man who cheats on his boyfriend with a woman he falls in love with.
Apollo was spellbound by the young actor who played the lead. We both cried at the end of the show and gave the actors a standing ovation whilst Dionysus threw his eyes up to heaven and muttered “ You can’t take them anywhere anymore”.

After the play was over I told the boys I wanted to take them to "Balans", a restaurant with great atmosphere in the centre of Soho.

“I’m going to go and have sex before dinner and I’ll meet you there”.
"Where are you going"? I said staring at Dionysus

"To a Sauna. I’ll go for a couple of hours. The two of you can have some cocktails while I occupy myself otherwise and we’ll have dinner when I catch up with you".

And off he went in search of carnal pleasure. It was liberating to watch him.
He always had a very clear view of pleasure. He sometimes fell in love but he never got confused about it. Dionysus didn’t have to be emotionally involved to enjoy himself. He also rarely had sex with women anymore.
According to him they had fallen for the biggest con of all times. Men had convinced them that pleasure and ethics are interlinked. He only ever wanted a woman when she was free of such burdens and whenever he met such a rare creature he’d always fall in love with her.

Apollo and I talked about all this in "Balans" with the assistance of some very well made cocktails.
"I agree with him but it’s not like that for everyone. I have to experience emotion to be with someone. It means nothing to me otherwise. I haven’t been with anyone in a year", said Apollo.
"I haven’t been with anyone since you know who either. From a certain point onwards it’s not about ethics. I just can’t feel anything".

And just at that moment Dionysus swept through the doors and approached our table with a skip in his step.
"You look radiant", we both said.
"I know. Carnal pleasure. You should try it. What are the cocktails like here"?
"No seriously Dionysus. You look at least 5 years younger. Your skin looks fresh", I continued.
"I know…. not 30 but 25 again. Isn’t pleasure great? Don’t forget, I invented it".

We laughed and watched Dionysus flirt with all the waiters and the men at the nearby tables. I had forgotten how intoxicating it was to have him around. Everyone fell under his spell.
Two college boys came and sat at the table next to us while we were having dessert. One of them was a music student and caught Apollo’s eye immediately. They fell into a deep conversation and were inseparable for the rest of the evening.
At the end of our very long meal a unanimous decision was made that our company of five would be proceeding to the Village.

"Are you having fun little Venus?" Asked Dionysus giving me a big hug.
"Off course I am. I love having you here".
"Hmmm, that’s lovely and it’s comforting but I want you to be having fun. Come, I’ll take you there".

The Village was a club filled with semi naked boys pole dancing. We quickly occupied the centre of the dance floor. Lady Gaga’s songs came blasting through the sound system and I lost myself in the ecstasy of the moment.
Suddenly I heard Dionysus saying to me. “There’s your eagle” and I turned to see what he was pointing at.

There he was, my eagle. The only eagle you could hope to see on a weekend in central London. The dancer on the main podium was doing a sort of handstand, upside down on the pole with his legs wide open.

"Get her up there", said Dionysus to two bouncers who for some reason obeyed him.
Seconds later I was on the podium dancing with my own private Go-Go boy whilst the crowd started chanting my name. I was flying instead of dancing. My limbs felt light, like I was one with the air.

It was one of those gorgeous nights that happen with no plan at all. Through the corner of my eye I could see Apollo and the music student locked in a long passionate kiss. When you focus on pleasure everything seems to fall into place.

Come to think of it maybe someone had devised a plan but you’d never get him to admit it.

Shut Up and Hug Me ©

I prayed…No…Not prayed… Chanted, as instructed, with my eyes focused on the wall and realised I was getting nauseous.
This was like a punishment not an act of connecting with infinite wisdom.
Maybe I was angry?
Was the method wrong or was I wrong? Well of course I was angry!
Why would I be sitting here chanting to forgive people if I wasn’t bloody angry!!!!!!!

This is what happens in your mind when you try to meditate for the first time.

So I went out and sat in the open air and Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’d there.
Hmmmm ……much better.
Ok Mr. Lark or whatever your name is, at least when you chirp I don’t have to listen to my inner monologue.

Was all this really for me? Maybe I needed to explore other belief systems before I landed on something.

Eve, my Facebook/ Dance-Crazy friend had asked me to go and support her. She was going to be dancing at an Alternative Fair. I went and even got pulled up from the audience to join in. This was good and didn’t make me feel angry.
Maybe I believed in Dancing?

When the dancing was over I left Eve and walked the booths in search of spirituality. It was a maze of crystals and purple-wearing people.
Oh Lord.......I was becoming cynical or maybe all this focusing on trying to release my anger …..was making me ….. well…. Angry.

A couple of older Men approached me. They tried to bamboozle me by guessing where I was from.
They had this “Come little girl and I will heal your life and show you the mysteries of the world” air.
They were quite offended when I told them to go take a hike.
- Why are you here? You’re not open, they said. In a last desperate effort to shake me.
- Are you referring to my mind or my legs?
Result! They ran a mile after that.

According to the mystic law you draw things to you.
Had I just drawn these two clowns to me?
I decided I had, in order to vent my anger. They were my cosmic punch bags.

Maybe I needed to go to a Fight Club instead of an Alternative Fair.

I turned the corner and walked into a lovely young girl who had been practising Reiki for 6 months. I did a session with her. She calmed me down made me see colours; blues and yellows, as she moved her hands up and down my body.
When I told her about the colours she got a tear in her eye. That's how much she loved connecting with people and understanding their feelings.

Then I ran into another woman who did Kundalini meditation with me and this time she made me cry. You’ll be glad to know that neither of these women wore purple.
They hadn’t healed me but they had comforted me.

Is that is what we mean when we say healing?
The comfort of interaction with other people? Genuine interaction. The kind that comes when you finally shut up and stop analysing. When you just hug someone with no expectation of anything beyond a little bit of comfort. Children look for it and demand it so easily. Why do we drop it as we get older?
We look for comfort in the bottom of biscuit tins or in bottles of wine.

Everywhere I went the “Believers” told me the same thing.
- This will change your life. This is the way to find happiness….
None of them were lying but I wondered if they knew that about each other.

I walked out of the exhibition centre asking myself what I was looking for and what I believed in.

Suddenly I remembered. As I brought the memory closer I started giggling.
Years of trying to be a serious and focused grown up had put this memory in the drawer of “Frivolities”. But now as I drew it closer to me and made it more vivid I realised it made my heart feel warm.

The memory is of the little girl I was. She wakes up excited on Christmas morning and runs into the kitchen to see if Santa Claus has eaten the milk and cookies she left out for him.
When she sees that nothing but crumbs are left on the plate she screams so loudly that her parents run into the kitchen alarmed (They pretend to be alarmed – but she didn’t know that at that the time).
She dashes into the sitting room in her bear feet and sees the presents laid out under the Christmas tree. She can’t believe it. Santa Claus was here and brought all these presents because she is a good girl.
The first gift is wrapped in shiny green wrapping paper decorated with little stars. It’s a box of chocolate ladybirds with fresh cream in them.
She looks up at her parents who are watching her and smiling.
- Can I have a chocolate before breakfast?
- Yes but only because Santa brought them, her Mum says.
She runs and hugs her Mum and Dad and she’s so happy. The rest of the gifts fade, they don’t matter. All the magic is in the set up

That’s what I believe in.
That little feeling that makes people do things for one another just to see a smile.

You know what it is and I'm sure you have a special little memory of your own locked up somewhere.
Go on, unlock it and warm up your heart or just Shut Up and Hug Me!

Lotus Flowers and Herbs ©

My cousin Dionysus would always encourage us to drink, dance and break things if we were ever upset or angry.

The spirit of the drink brings mirth; the dance releases all your inhibitions and you break things so the emotion has somewhere to go.
The following day we would cleanse ourselves in the river and everything would be magically forgotten.

In London it doesn’t work that way. Drink is used to drown sorrows. Dancing is too controlled and if you break anything you’ll probably be accumulating a massive bill on your credit card.

I was trying to explain this to Emily (James’s new girlfriend and my 3rd brand new London friend) via MSN one afternoon as we both tried to spend as little time as possible doing work.

- You should try to dissolve your anger with love, she said.
- What? Just be forgiving and it will go away?
- No. Send love to the person you have unresolved issues with through chanting for them. Come to a Buddhist meeting with me and see how it makes you feel.

I was simultaneously writing to my mother, Isolde, through another chat portal.
She thought it was an excellent idea to meet some enlightened Buddhist men. I told her that was not really the point of the exercise but she wouldn’t hear of it.

Two days later I found myself in the back streets of Dalston, searching for Buddhists and peace of mind.
The meeting was held in a young girl's house. There were eight Buddhists crammed into a very small front room and they were already chanting. All female; my mother would be very disappointed.

Without much ceremony we sat on the floor and Emily started chanting immediately. I was handed a “hymn book” but I declined.
I could pick up the women’s energy and that was far more soothing. It’s so rare that humans agree with their heart. Whenever I’m in the presence of harmony it overwhelms me.

They chanted NAM – MYOHO- RENGE- KYO rhythmically, which means:

NAM – To devote one’s life
MYOHO – to the Mystic Law. MYO is Mystic nature and HO is Manifestation
RENGE – literally Means Lotus Flower and symbolises Cause and Effect
KYO – Sutra the voice or teachings of the Buddha. The sound and vibration that connects everything in the Universe.

After chanting there was a discussion and tea was handed out. Of all the things mentioned that night I kept the words of the young girl who was hosting the meeting in my heart.

- You’re here to win. That’s all there is. People think that they have to go through hard times to achieve the things that make them happy but that only leads to confusion.
If something is a struggle it’s not worth holding on to, be it a job, a relationship or anything that you feel connected to. You can only be successful in things you love, with people you love.


I spoke to Zeus about it that night. He was quite welcoming of my soul search.
He made sure to ask me to please not go crazy and shave my head. I had to explain that he was thinking of a completely different belief system.
- Were there Men at the meeting? He asked
- No, not everything has to be about men. This is about letting someone go, not finding someone new.
- Hmmm. The only way to forget an old love is to find a new one Venus. Your new friends might know about Lotus flowers but I know about herbs.
- What’s that supposed to mean?
- Lotus flowers are beautiful and symbolic and evocative but herbs nourish you and are medicinal. Search your soul but then move on and truly heal your life by giving your heart what it needs.

When we finished talking I lit my lotus flower candle but just in case my father was right I went into the kitchen and got a little stick of oregano to chew on as I chanted.

It's the Time of the Season ©

Absent-minded and daydreaming at the office one random Thursday, my eye caught an email with an interesting title flashing screen right.

E-vite: Party for Londoners not attending Glastonbury.

I clicked on it. It was forwarded to me by my friend James (One of the original two people I knew when I first moved to London. We go all the way back to college).
It was quickly followed by an email explaining that a friend of his was having a party and told him he could bring people and by people he meant girls…. preferably single.

There was a catch. You had to bring: clothes for tennis if you wanted to play, sports shoes to use the basketball court, a swimming costume for the pool and sauna and at least two towels. One towel for lying on the grass and one for having a shower.

How demanding! Would I be able to carry all that stuff across London? I thought about it for a while and concluded that yes, I just might just be able to do that.

So on the weekend that everyone was at Glastonbury, forty self-proclaimed Londoners from all over the world gathered in a house in North London to frolic sans mud.
I got there at noontime and for a moment I thought I was on the set of Will Smiths’s video “Summertime”.
The barbecue was on, the girls were either in the pool or sun tanning whilst the boys were playing basketball or staging diving contests to attract female attention.

If they were deer they would lock horns and push each other about but in the world of fancy garden parties showing off all the tricks they learnt when they were teenagers would suffice to prove who was the most virile Alpha male.
It was a candy store of boys, all different nationalities, interests and sizes (and by sizes I off course mean height and weight).

Deep breath Venus. This was going to be easy, like riding a bicycle.
Flirting and exchanging meaningful looks was on the menu today. I used be really good at this, time to get back on the saddle.
At the end of the day I’m Venus, this is what I do.
I changed into my bikini and joined James at the pool who introduced me to his new girlfriend.

Moment……….when you are newly single and a very close friend of yours embarks on a new relationship it’s always a test.
James had a new girlfriend. How did I feel about that? I scanned for inner reactions.
No bitterness for other people’s joy came to the surface. This was good. I was obviously in better shape than I thought.
Her name was Emily and she was lovely.

A girl with a Jewish background who had turned Buddhist. It was obviously very important to her because she made a point of talking about it several times during the day.

I found it very interesting and was amazed by how people in London seemed to pay a lot of attention to beliefs and culture heritage.

She asked me what I believed in?

Well, Zeus but then again I speak to Dad every day. It would be hard to ignore his existence. I also believe in nature and trying things out the human way.
- I believe that Humans are more magical than Gods. Everything takes longer but it’s magical. You don’t think it some times but you are.
Emily looked at me puzzled…. I think I was sharing too much too soon.

Then James introduced me to the boys. They all belonged to different tribes: Cute & polite British boys that were still studying their PhD in Cambridge, esoteric theatre types who liked talking politics and seemed to live in a Leonard Cohen inspired world, sporty types who wanted to know if the girls had brought proper tennis kit and a few imports from Spain. The latter gave nothing away. They looked at you intensely with their dark eyes; smiled suggestively and simply stated: "It was lovely to meet you".

One of them looked like Javier Bardem….need I say more?

There was almost too much choice. Another dive in the pool and a tennis match after were the order of the day. James was very attentive to both Emily and I. He seemed to understand that I was still fragile. Well, that and also that when you’re in love you have love to spare for the whole world, it spills over and envelopes everyone that comes close to you.
I enjoyed it, it made feel at ease.

As we moved into the night the girls started talking about the sauna. Purely for health purposes and the flushing of toxins of course. Now it was our turn to go primal.
- Oh yes, I love sweating with next to nothing on in the deep heat of a tiny room…it’s soooooo good for you.
That’s what they would say if they were in a 50’s Marilyn Monroe movie and it would be quickly followed by some poor man biting his trilby hat and walking fully clothed straight into a cold shower.

Let the games begin!

I dove into the pool, got out and went straight into the sauna.
The Javier Bardem look alike was there with two of his friends.
But shock of shock and horror of horrors. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before. He was wearing “Speedos”, orange ones, whilst his two friends had the red and black versions on.

Seriously they should be banned. It’s the equivalent of a girl wearing a dress that comes up to her crotch and has a cleavage that reaches her stomach. Even if she’s a member of Mensa you can’t take her seriously. Well you can’t look into her eyes to begin with; there is too much distraction.
My cousin Athena always says "It’s a case of trying to appeal to the cheap seats in the audience".
I didn’t feel challenged anymore. I knew everything there was to know about him anatomically. Nothing was left to the imagination. It looked clinical actually. There were three males in the sauna with their organs on display and trust me there wasn’t a sexy feeling to be found at a three-mile radius.
When they left, the rest of the girls in the Sauna burst into giggles.
- Were you measuring them in your mind? asked Olivia who looked like she was going to pass out from the laughter.
Yes, we all nodded in agreement.
- Oh good, cause I thought I was the only perverted one in the room.
- You are not alone. We all said
- Seriously though would you? After seeing them like that?
- I wouldn’t let him take me out for coffee, I said
- Which one? Did you have a preference Ms Venus?
- Oh you’re quick! The Javier Bardem look alike was not bad but the Speedos made my internal “Hard on” die a death.
We laughed so much that we had to leave the Sauna in search of oxygen

At two o’clock in the morning there was a snooker match going in the “Cigar room” downstairs and cocktails were being made in the kitchen.
I took a book I had with me and went into the sitting room, which was filled with eclectic art and sculptures. It was very quiet and after the days exertions I felt like I could hear myself think again.

Javier Bardem came in (his modesty well covered in a pair of jeans) with two glasses of red wine.
- It’s Rioja. It will relax you and make you sleep well.
- Relax me even more than the sauna?
- Yes
He lived in Barcelona. I told him I was half Olympian – half Gaelic in origin.
He was an architect and I a word sculptor. He liked Lorca, we had that in common.
He took a pack of cards out of his back pocket and started doing magic tricks. He found the missing cards in my sleeves and even discovered a coin in my ear.

I giggled and thanked him for the little show but told him I wanted to sleep.

He was gentlemanly and left me to it.

I lay there in the darkness thinking that he had really put all his art into it. Under different circumstances we may have shared a kiss.
I don’t know if it was the Speedos or if I just wasn’t ready to be flirting and sharing kisses yet but my libido had definitely left the building.

I slept under the sculpture of a naked goddess that night and in my dream she knelt down and smoothed my hair as I slept.
- You’re just hibernating Venus, enjoy it.
- It’s summer. I corrected her.
- It’s not summer all over the world. In some places it’s winter because it needs to be. Nature needs to sleep before she can be reborn.

She kissed me on the forehead and assumed her original position. I had no more dreams that night.